Someone asked if I was pregnant at my wedding. The answer is…possibly. This question could not come at a better time because a year ago today is when I found out I was pregnant.
While I was putting on my wedding dress, I felt a little flutter in my lower abdomen. I turned to my maid of honor and said, “Oh shit, I’m going to get my period.” Needless to say, my period never showed up that day or the next or the next. At first, I was enjoying it-I thought I was SO lucky given that it was my wedding day and honeymoon. Turns out, I was lucky but for another reason.
I think it was about 3 days into our honeymoon when I brought it up to Conor (over a super nice dinner in a fancy restaurant). I explained that I most likely was not pregnant and that I was probably overreacting. However, I needed to take a pregnancy test to ease my nerves. We purchased one on our way back to the house we rented. My honeymoon fantasies did not include me peeing a stick but there I was, newly married, about to find out if we were going to be parents.
I’m sure you can figure out what the results were. I got a big, fat NEGATIVE. I felt a mix of relief and surprisingly, disappointment. I found myself staring at the test, waiting for that other pink line to show up but it never did. I tried to push it out of my mind so that I could enjoy the rest of my honeymoon but I couldn’t. Pregnancy tests always come with two sticks so the next morning, I took the second test. Negative, again.
These things are supposed to be 99.999999999% accurate so I believed that I wasn’t pregnant. On one of that last days of our honeymoon, we went to the Cisco Brewery where we drank just about every beer they had to offer. My memory of that day is fuzzy but I do remember sitting in the sun, drinking beer (99.99%, remember?) and discussing baby names, including Charlotte, and our future children for a very long time.
My period still hadn’t shown up so when we got back from our honeymoon, I took another pregnancy test and again, it was negative. I thought that maybe the stress of the wedding had thrown my body out of whack and that if I just relaxed, my period would arrive. A few days later, I bought yet another pregnancy test and of course, it was negative. The following week, I was going to buy another test but Conor suggested I go see my doctor instead paying for more and more tests (those suckers are expensive).
I felt silly going in to pee in a cup when I had been peeing on sticks for weeks but I figured they needed to rule out pregnancy to figure out what was wrong with me. I had to wait 24 hours for the results. I was convinced at this point that I wasn’t pregnant and proceeded to drink almost an entire bottle of wine that night. They finally called the next day at 4:30pm. The receptionist had the most monotone voice and said in the least enthused voice possible, “Your results are positive. When would you like to schedule your first prenatal appointment?”
I didn’t know what to do so I called Conor at work and just said “It’s positive.”
“The test, it’s a yes.”
“Oh my god.”
Part of me didn’t believe I was pregnant. I must have taken 8 home pregnancy tests at this point. I needed to see the positive results myself. So, we went to Walgreen’s and bought the most expensive pregnancy tests they had. I took a test and for the first time got two pink lines instead of one. I took a digital test and got a very clear PREGNANT. I finally believed it but it didn’t help. We were supposed to meet friends for dinner so we didn’t have time to talk about it. All I remember saying is, “One way or another, this baby is going to come out.”
We decided not to talk about it that night but to take a day to think about it independently. I remember feeling like abortion was the practical option. That this was no time to be irrational. We didn’t have much money and we had debt we needed to pay off before starting a family. Conor recently started grad school. This really isn’t the time to have a child. Were we ready to be parents? What would our friends and family think? I spent the next day at work researching all of my options.
I almost made an appointment at Planned Parenthood when I stumbled upon some baby and mom blogs. A lot of the blogs I found were young couples or single moms in their 20’s and they all seemed to be doing fine. Some were planned, some unplanned, but either way, they all seemed happy in their own way. Conor and I had always planned to have children and people with a lot less than us have been able to make it work. Why couldn’t we? Conor and I love each other and wanted children anyway, we have an amazing support network and we have a stable income. Bottom-line, I knew we could do it. That night, when Conor walked in the door, the first thing he said was, “I think we can do it!”
It pains me to think that I ever thought of not having Charlie. I wish that positive sign made me jump for joy and do a little dance the moment I saw it but instead, it took a day. We’ve been celebrating every day since then, though. I jump for joy every morning when she wakes up and everyday when I come home from work.
So was I pregnant at my wedding? The estimated date of conception is somewhere around August 14th, our wedding day. I could have been a few days pregnant or I could have gotten pregnant after that first negative test.